Entangled mess

I am not angry
I am in pain
And you put me here
You, the person who was supposed to love me more than anything.

You broke me
and you broke my heart
And I hate you
because I still love you
And I am hating myself even more for it

All I need is for this pain to be gone
because I can’t breathe
My heart is congested
My chest is heavy

How do you feel? They asked
I wish I couldn’t feel anything
You left me feeling lonely
I feel empty because you took my life

Everyone says I am the problem
They all ask what is wrong with me
If am not hurting myself
Am hurting those around me

There is just too much that is wrong with me
Because I am an entangled mess of contradictory things.

Right now it feels like horses racing
in my head
It is loud but no one can hear me.

And there is a scream inside
That I try not to hide
But regardless of how many times I let it out, the world is deaf.

There is a way out of this
But I don’t want it to be my last option.

Only you

Even though you keep denying it.
I know you loved me
From the very first time you set your eyes on me.
We took endless pictures, made good memories
And we always looked good and happy.

I know you lied 😂 in all the conversations we had,
But no one can ever make me laugh like you did.
We always played games♠️♥️ and I won
And no one will ever give me better company like you do.

And on all the road trips we went on,
We watched the sunsets together and Enjoyed each other’s company.
And in the night when I couldn’t fall asleep
You were always there to keep me safe.
You would hold me
I will always be grateful.

I know our love is still young,
But it’s unique and no matter
How many ages I take without seeing you,
Our love will always be kept in our hearts Never to be forgotten.

Small world

I look around and all I see is slim

Very many faces but can’t find a familiar one.

Loud noises everywhere filled with screams and laughters

But none belongs to me.

I feel frightened and lost in this big dark world

My mind is racing, and I can’t seem to stop it

With nowhere for me to go

I plug my ears to breathe

And now I can hear myself, I am alive more than I had imagined.

I feel my heartbeat, it’s loud and clear

It has a beautiful Melody

I feel my blood rush through my arteries as it’s synchronized with my heartbeat.

I feel every air that enters and escapes my lungs with every breath

My mind is at peace and it ain’t racing no more.

This is my world, it’s small and empty

Very quiet and lonely too

But it gives me hope that the storm will stop


August

She never had it in herself to go, she would have never left because she loved him.

He kept throwing stones at her glasshouse using the same stones she had gathered to make her ring.
With nothing left for her to save she died in his story where he was the hero flying around saving things but not her.

Even on her worst days,
She didn’t deserve the Tartarus he put her through. He aimed for her heart and he shattered💔 it into a million little pieces.
It was easy to destroy her but he was likely to miss her in his bones.

Throwing out curses at the wind and tossing out blame, wishing she had stayed a little longer.
He killed her but it killed him just the same
He hears her whispers haunting him
Creating a beautiful ghostly scene.
And he slowly became his worst fear

So much for a summertime love, everything came crumpling down in a blink, they were a lost memory that had faded away into a moment in time with nothing left to fight for.

#marslove

450 days

It had taken her almost 450days with seeing him physically.
Without feeling his touch, hearing his voice or looking into his beautiful eyes.

Little did she know, today was her surprise day.

The surprise was a charismatic, breathtaking Tall and muscular lad with his swimmers body, and eyes were beauteous as ever.

She stared in awe as he was ambling and he looked graceful and pulchritudinous.

She had a rush of oxytocin.

When their eyes met, it felt like the world had stopped moving. And someone could easily diagnose them with akinetopsia. For a moment she felt like it was a deja Vu.

His smile was ravishing, as it’s the best thing she had seen in months. It was a glorifying moment for her.

She enjoyed the fragrance of his BOSS perfume that was mixed with his sweat, as they hugged.

His muscles held her tightly giving her the comfort of a safe heaven.

And for a moment her heart pumped slower than usual, though not too slow to kill her but slow enough for her to enjoy the moment but little did she know that their lips had locked

In a world filled with lots to offer, they preferred to be each other’s quarantine as they felt safer.

Why do i write

I started to write in 2019 after reading very many blogs of people I knew e.g. Viola, Rachel, and Raymond. Their writings inspired me to a point where I felt like I needed to write something and that’s how I created my blog site.

At the very start I didn’t know what to write about exactly, how to phrase my sentences and make something nice that would attract everyone’s attention. And then a long the way with my indecisions on what to write about, came my breakup that stirred up all the anger and pain I had inside of me and it made me write my first blog but I deleted it afterwards.

And with time I realised I can actually channel all my unexpressed emotions and unsaid words into writings. Well it’s not easy to do as it comes with a price to pay. But it was a good start on my side.

Well now I write for fun, pleasure, and a new hobby that am learning. I write to learn new things and create a world of my own. I write for the love of it, the peace I feel after writing. For a better me and more understanding of the things that run through my mind ’cause everytime I write down something I get an organised picture about something. Writing is now the art I want to perfect in order to express myself more.

My writings ain’t yet to the levels where I want them to be at but I know that with a little more practice I will eventually become better and I will keep writing.

What you do for self care?

First I want to start with the definition of the word self-care. Of late most people especially women are very much found of using the word “self-care”. In simple English self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional and physical health.

Self-care is a hard task, it is not as simple as most people think it is. In fact most times we over-look it and either do self-spoiling or we totally ignore our selves.

For my self-care I sometimes do the following;
1. I make sure I get enough hours of sleep a day.
2. Make sure I eat enough at least 2 meals a day.
3. Drink enough water- I have battled with this one but am getting there.
4. I exercise my body, the best and only exercise I can do is swim. I love swimming and I love doing it on my free days when I am relaxed and free.
5. I watch movies especially when I am stressed.
6. Am not a fun of sharing but sometimes I engage in discussions with friends or family to get over a problem or get a solution for it.
7. I pray for myself and my loved ones, I don’t know how it works but well, it does for me.

So yeah that’s basically what I do for my self-care. To me the things listed above are the things that give me that peace of mind, improve my mood, reduce my anxiety and stress and make me feel different😀